Neurodiverse brains often face challenges in emotional regulation, though neurotypical individuals can experience this too. One of the most common issues I encounter in my practice is reactions that are disproportionately large compared to the problem at hand. These reactions can manifest as shutdowns, meltdowns, or anxiety-fueled avoidance. So, how can we as families support our loved ones during these moments? Here are some tips to consider:
1. Model Calmness
Let’s start with the most challenging tip: modeling calmness. I know it’s tough, but it truly is the key component. Demonstrating calmness during your loved one’s emotional storm is an invaluable teaching tool. If you find yourself about to lose control (because, let’s face it, we’re all human), you have another opportunity—to model taking a break. I’ve often told my family members (more times than I’d like to admit) that I feel overwhelmed and need a time-out. This not only validates their feelings of overwhelm but also shows them that it’s okay to step back and regroup.
2. Pre-teach Coping Skills and Identify Sources of Support
Just like a musician or athlete needs to practice before a performance, knowing and practicing coping skills before feeling overwhelmed can make these tools more accessible when truly needed. Some effective strategies include:
Identifying the Emotion: Encourage your loved one to name what they’re feeling (You may also do this for them by saying “You look really angry/frustrated/disappointed about this.”) This can help them gain control over their emotions.
Mindfulness Techniques: Practices like box breathing, grounding techniques, and muscle relaxation can be effective in calming the mind and body.
Positive Sensory Menu: Help create a sensory menu that includes calming elements for each of the five senses, such as a soothing scent, preferred lighting, a weighted blanket, or a comforting drink.
3. Decrease Verbal Demands
This strategy is particularly helpful for individuals on the Autism Spectrum. Avoid placing verbal demands that can increase stress, such as open-ended questions or commands to “calm down.” Instead, offer concrete choices and be comfortable with providing space. For example, ask, “Would you like me to stay near you or give you space?” or suggest, “I’m going to do some box breathing to help me feel calm; would you like to join me?” If the shut-down is due to fear/anxiety, prompting a person to breathe can be helpful, however, if the emotional dysregulation is due to anger/disappointment, telling them to breathe tends to only add to frustration.
4. Managing Meltdowns in the Community
Handling meltdowns in public can be challenging due to added stress from onlookers. One effective strategy is to “prime” the situation by discussing expectations beforehand. Ensure outings are well-timed, avoiding meal or nap times, and consider environmental factors like noise and crowd levels. If behavior is a focus, have a reward ready for meeting realistic expectations.
Conclusion
By modeling calmness, pre-teaching coping skills, reducing verbal demands, and preparing for community outings, we can provide our neurodiverse loved ones—whether children or adults—with the tools they need to navigate their emotional storms. Remember, it’s a learning process for everyone involved, and every step forward is a victory.
If you’d like more help in learning ways to support your neurodiverse give the office a call! We offer both parent consultations and family counseling sessions to increase the tools in your toolbox for supporting those you love!
Author: Bethany Zoeller, Licensed Educational Psychologist, Owner: Insights Assessment and Counseling, Inc.
